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Sunday, July 12, 2009

It's Not My Time

At middle of night, I woke up.
I knew what time it possibly be because that's what I used to.
I staggered to check up the time using my cell phone, or say a clock.
It's 2 o'clock.
Then I went to clean up a bit.

I opened the door, but the cat wasn't by the door.
He sometimes does.
I still walked to fill his bowl with food, even he didn't ask for.
It's just a routine, which I keep doing from time to time.
I felt nothing.

I went to make some food to eat.
Poured water in pan and put it on the stove.
Minutes later, I realized that I forgot to turn on.

While boiling the water, I gave myself a glass of water, a cold one.
Then, I took the food to living room, where I can watch tv while eating.
What I was eating, that isn't important.
Because I only eat for my stomach.
No taste, no smell, no pleasure, or whatsoever I care about the food.
It's only the animal's natural need.

I have to mute the volume, because there are other people sleeping.
News channels are the ones I don't like watching.
Because some news are very disturbing and I refuse to make myself suffer from them.
After few rounds of scanning all channels, I finished my food.

Feast of Love on a movie channel, I stopped by that one.
I remembered I have seen it few times.
Never watched it all, only pieces, so is this time.

In the scene of Oscar's funeral, when the coffin slowly moving down, at the very moment, I cried.
For no reasons or some, I don't know.

This is not my first time when watching a movie.
But this one is different, I knew it, I just knew it.

Maybe that was another story that I read earlier.
A boy suffered a disease then died tragically like by his intention.
The girl, who suddenly fell in love with him for about a month or so, could not forgive him for leaving her at first.
But she finally understood, remembered him, kept the love in her heart, and moved on.

I cried a few more times when some lines came up.
I started to think, to recall, maybe it's me, then few more as I writing.

What is this all about? I don't really care anymore, but I know I must write it down.
There is one thing for sure, I am looking for more tragedies.
Sadly, that's the only way I want to fell.

And It's 4:59 now,
It's Not My Time
That is a question, badly want the answer.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

the rain

It has been raining for more than two decades. It never stops, and won't ever.

I can feel each raindrop. They rained on my head, face, shoulder, hands, palms, legs... everywhere. The touches are unforgettable.

The raindrops form many unpredictable streams, they flow over my skin towards ground, the dirty mud ground. Sooner, the feeling becomes numb.

I can smell them like dirt, grass and freshness. They don't taste much, simply water if you really want to know.

I walk along the dirty road. The road splits sometimes, I never chose the paths other than the straight ones.

The forward road has alway been hard to see through, my eyes are covered... by my own two hands.

It's all understandable, clear, and obvious from the beginning. Absolutely needless to have any reasons, any excuses, anything.

Accept the rain.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I got a snazzy black icon on Last.fm!

Today I paid first monthly subscription fee to Last.fm. You may probably be aware that Last.fm is not free for all. People who live outside of US, UK, and German would need to subscribe for listening to streams. I noticed this change two weeks ago, at the moment, I had no intention and no idea that I would subscribe. Earlier, I read a forum thread, which mentions few things:

Music is not all free
$3 is just enough buy you a cup of coffee

Because of this coffee comparison, I decided to subscribe. And I totally agreed with the first one. Some music are free like on Jamendo. I was hoping Jamendo can be the alternative. Unfortunately, it doesn't have same concept. All I want is the radio-like playing. Jamendo has radio stations, too, but the songs in list are fixed. No random or based on your taste of music. I used to like Pandora, but it doesn't provide service outside of US since two years ago, both paid or free. So Last.fm is my only choice.

And this is me on Last.fm.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A program for helping concentration, JDarkRoom

Writing by JKim1

Yesterday, I wanted to find an editor for writing. At first, all I can see is about programming editors, and that absolutely was not what I intended to have.

After few more tries, some keywords started to show up from my search results. One of them is “creative writing program,” of which the word “program” is not meant the computer program but a course for learning or studying creative writing. So what exactly is “creative writing?” This question I couldn't answer, at least, because I am not a native and never have any advanced class of English. Needless to say, English writing wouldn't be one of my skill (I hope someday it will be). According to those web pages, it can be a creation of a novel, a film screenplay, a poem—or anything can inspire your by your imagination, or—the keyword—creativity.

Back to my intention of seeking an editor, I was expecting a editor, a simple text editor—not a word processor. By which, you can focus on writing whatever you are working on, it can providing necessary accessibilities, such as dictionary/thesaurus lookup, grammar/spell check, or sort of things can essentially be helpful to writing.

I did saw some applications but almost all of them are for Windows or mainly for Mac platform. Nevertheless, it seems that Linux users do not deserves having one, I still managed to find one. And even better it's a free software (not as in freedom), JDarkRoom. Obviously, it's a remake of another software, inherits the idea of the original and extends the concepts to better implementations. Full black background with green text color (with a nice music if you have one), then it does help. At least for me, I can concentrate now. This somehow solves the problem, and, be honestly, I was not aware of that problem before.

Full screenshot of JDarkRoom

JDarkRoom is written in Java, so it's capable to run on many operating systems, including Linux. Its only purpose is helping concentration, but I believe that we can count on it more. The current feature can be part of a bigger program, a editor for writing. I have some ideas, I might be starting to work on a new such editor, but I am not so sure.

You may already know I am a Taiwanese speaking Chinese, but I am kind of resisting using Chinese by any means. Ridiculously, my English is not fluent and I can barely speak with blah-wa-la-e-ya accents. I have no idea how or when this all happened. Back at school, Chinese writing is just my average skill, I was never good or showing interest at Chinese or literature—for this, it's still true today. As of English, it's the same story.

Five years ago, I heard of blogging, and started to do it in English. The reason of using English is an unsolved puzzle to me, too. I discontinued for a year, then I on-and-off wrote some postings since. Many questions are unanswerable, even you have one, you will still doubt of it. So, quit questioning it. Just write it!